I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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