and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
