omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
