Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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