I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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