so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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