I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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