It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
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So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
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Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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