you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
