the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
