A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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