Can Purell be used as lube?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
