How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
