His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
