True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
