and i looked up. we had an audience...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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