i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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