I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
