The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
