today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just puked most of my soul out..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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