Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Randomize