I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
