I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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