At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
