no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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