he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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