wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
