It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
