Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
