If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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