I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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