: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
