I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
