Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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