suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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