This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
