Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
