i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
