i need an iv and a liver transplant
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
