hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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