shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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