and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
