just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
