The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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