Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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