I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
