a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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