I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm really busy with my period
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