so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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