I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
