I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
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whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize