Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
