Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
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You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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