i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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