she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Congratulations! We have a period
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