oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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