Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
